The Cursory Coyote
by tiedwithribbons
Summary: A SATAM version of the Bugs Bunny cartoon "The Hasty Hare". Two aliens try to take Antoine back to their planet, but he REALLY doesn't want to go.


**I hope this is funny. If you're confused about the title, "cursory" is a synonym for hasty. And no, Golgol and Phee_ probably won't re-appear after this story.**

The silver spaceship zipped through the skies, past the various satellites, asteriods and stars, until its target came into view. It flew through the planet's atmosphere, its speed never decreasing until it landed near a small village in the heart of the forest. Nobody seemed to notice it, even though it was rather large.

A door slid open, and there stood a small purple alien, with big green eyes, yellow anntenne, a yellow bow-tie, orange shorts and white sneakers. It activated an escalator which took it to the forest floor, then looked at the envelope in its hand, which read "Sealed Orders. Not to be Opened Until Reaching Mobius." It ripped open the envelope and pulled out a letter which said: "_**Bring back one (1) Mobian."**_

The alien nodded, then took a kazoo from his pocket, put it to his mouth and blew on it. At the reedy noise that issued from it, a small capsule emerged from the bottom of the ship and opened. Out marched a large blue cat, with purple-and-green stripes, a red crash helmet and white sneakers. It marched up to its master, used its tail to salute, and held out a sneaker, on which rested a piece of paper. The alien took it, and saw that it read _"Sir, Phee_ Reporting". _**(A/N: Phee_ is pronounced Feline)**

The alien nodded. "We havta capture a live Mobian, Phee_, and take it back with us to Nibblplung. Ain't that a great assignment? Last time we just hadda pick up a pizza."

Phee_ walked a little way in front of his master, sniffing the ground, before spotting something. He turned back to his master, saluted and held out another piece of paper. It read: _"Sir, look down!"_

The alien did, and saw that the ground was covered in bootprints. "A Mobian's tracks! Oh boy, we'll probably get a raise for this."

The two aliens followed the tracks to a small house, where somebody could be heard humming in a French accent:

"Alouette, gentille Alouette

Alouette, je te plumerai.

Alouette, gentille Alouette

Alouette, je te plumerai."

Not wishing to arouse suspicion, they tiptoed up to the window, and peered in.

And nearly got covered in dirty water as someone poured a bucketful of the stuff out the window.

Next second, Antoine D'Coolette poked his head out to see if he had splashed anyone. Upon noticing the aliens, he frowned, then his face lit up. "Oh, I see. It is tricking-and-treating! Silly me. 'Ow could I 'ave forgotten it was Halloweenie, or whatever zey call it? Strange, though. I could 'ave sworn zat we just 'ad ze Mobian Day of Liberty." He disappeared for a few seconds, then returned and handed the aliens a bag of candy each. "Zere you go, mon amies. And may I just say, zose are ze most realeestic costumes I 'ave evah seen. Perhaps I weel get Bunnie to make me one for Sally's next costume party." With that, he closed the window.

The alien blinked. "Phee_, do you think all Mobians behave like that?" He sighed and pulled a small phaser from his pocket. "Great. Now I gotta use force, and they make ya pay 6 Zorgools for every blast from these things." He pointed the phaser, and disintergrated the house.

Antoine, who had been on his knees scrubbing the floor, screamed and jumped to his feet. "WHAT IN ZE NAME OF ERROL FLYNN IS GOING ON 'ERE?" He then noticed the spaceship, and all his shock disappeared, to be replaced with abject terror. "Um, w-w-what is all of zis, p-p-please?" he stammered.

The alien sneered slightly. "I'm Golgol and this is Phee_. In answer to your question, that's an Interplanetary Flying Saucer, and we're returning to Nibblplung in it."

Despite his fear, Antoine was puzzled. "Erm, why does zat matter to me, monsieur?"

"Because you're going with us, ya dumb fox! Ain't that great?"

Antoine may have been scared, but he wasn't going to let these two take him away from his home. He folded his arms and glared at Golgol. "OK, deux things. Un, I am not a fox, I am a coyote. And deux, what 'appens eef I do not weesh to go weeth you, monsieur?"

In answer, Golgol pointed his phaser at a rock and disintergrated it.

Antoine was speechless for a second, then he let out a short scream and dashed into his bedroom, the only room which hadn't been disintergrated. He came out three seconds later, holding two suitcases and wearing a hat. "Weel, come on! Let us not waste time waiting!" He ran into the ship, then came out wearing a cup and saucer on his head, pretending to be a stewardess. "Flying Saucer for Dwarifol, Stidwal, Wordsey, Twoski and Nibblplung. Now leaving on Track 5. All aboard!"

He sounded so convincing, that Golgol and Phee_ ran into the ship and took off. They flew through space for about three seconds, before realising something and returning to Mobius, where they landed in front of Antoine again.

To say that Golgol wasn't happy was a bit of an understatement. "YA GOOD-FOR-NOTHING JERK!" he screamed. "That wasn't nice! Now you've made me mad, and I'm normally as sweet as that sugar stuff you people like!"

Antoine was glad that everyone else was elsewhere, or he'd have a lot of explaining to do. At the moment, however, the only thing he was interested in was getting rid of these aliens."Look, monsieur," he said conversationaly, leading Golgol away from Phee_. "Please do not get ze wrong eempression of me. Eet is not zat I do not weesh to veesit your fine planet, oh no. Eet ees just zat I-" He broke off and looked over at Phee_. "Weel, I probably should not be telling you zis, but I do not weesh to get meexed up in any mutiny."

Phee_ could not hear what they were discussing, but occasionaly, the coyote glanced over at him. When the conversation had apparently finished, his master looked at him, then back at the coyote.

"Lemme get this straight." said Golgol. "Yer sayin' that he's (he pointed at Phee_) plotting against me?"

"Why, certainly." said Antoine. "Surely you 'ave noticed zat low creeminal forehead? I 'ave seen it on ze Needle Nose."

Phee_ strained his ears, trying to make out what they were discussing.

Golgol shook with anger. "Why, that dirty, low-down, good-for-nothing! I'll blow his head off!" He blew on the kazoo (not noticing Antoine tip-toe away), and when Phee_ walked up and saluted, he blasted the cat with his phaser.

Phee_'s helmet hung suspended in the air for a few seconds, then a white-sneaker emerged from the helmet, holding a piece of paper. It read: _"Sir, what did I do? Signed, Anxious."_

"Let's have no more mutiny!" Golgol snapped at Phee_, who had extracted himself from the helmet.

Antoine walked off, giggling to himself. "What a pair of tweets! After 'andling ze Lard-Bucket, anything else ees easy."

Unbeknownst to him, Golgol and Phee_ were pointing a bazooka at him. They aimed, and fired, encasing him in a straitjacket. He let out a short, hysterical giggle, then gulped.

The spaceship left Mobius 5 seconds later. Golgol was flying it, which left the job of guarding Antoine to Phee_.

Antoine knew he had to do something, and fast. If he didn't get back to Knothole, everyone would probably try to take his stuff. "Urm, pardon me, monsiuer," he said to Phee_, "I do not weesh to seem ungrateful, but zis jacket just ees not my size. Do you have sometheeng a leettle smaller? Perhaps a size 36?"

Phee_ wasn't exactly the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, so he saw nothing wrong with this request. He went into a closet full of straitjackets and returned with one, which he presented to Antoine.

"Perfect, monsieur!" the coyote exclaimed. "Now, eef you will 'elp me out of zis one, I can try eet on." Once free of the old straitjacket, he tried on the new one, wearing it like a coat. He glanced at it briefly, then looked at Phee_. "You know, I believe zat zis is more your sort of theeng. You know, ze outdoor sportsman type."

Phee_ smiled with delight. It quickly turned into a look of surprise as he was encased in the straitjacket.

Antoine took another straitjacket from the closet, then ran into the control room. "EVERYBODY DESERT SHIP!" he shouted, surprising Golgol. "WE 'AVE STRUCK AN ICEBURG, AND WE ARE SINKING FAST!" He grabbed Golgol, and started wrapping him in the straitjacket. "GET INTO ZIS LIFE PRESEVER! QUEEK!"

Three seconds later, both Golgol and Phee_ were wrapped in straitjackets.

Antoine sat at the control panel, taking hold of the steering wheel. "And now to turn zis sheep around and return to Mobius, before Sonic tries to take my theengs."

Unfortunately, he'd never flown a spaceship before, so he pulled back a little too far on the wheel and sent the ship straight upward. "YEEEKKK!" When he tried to straighten the ship out, it went spiraling downwards. He finally did manage to get it straight, but it was very shaky, so he threw out the anchor to steady it.

As the anchor hung in the empty space, it suddenly caught hold of a large cresent-shaped asteroid and started pulling it along. Likewise, the asteroid got caught in the rings of a large planet, and its tip was embedded in another huge planet. As the ship entered an area of shooting stars, several stars became embedded in the planet's surface.

On Mobius, an Overlander astronomer approached his telescope and looked through the eyepiece-only to see a spaceship with an asteroid, two planets and a group of stars attached to it right in front of his observatory. He blinked, then wrote out a short message on a nearby pad of paper: _I quit! When I see things like this, it's time to take up Chao farming._

As the astronomer was leaving the observatory, Antoine poked his head out from the ship, wearing a spare crash helmet. "Pardon me, monsiuer, but do you know where I can sell a slightly-used flying saucer? Zere are only 3 billion miles on eet."

The astronomer blinked, then started flapping his arms, making faces and giggling madly.

Antoine blinked. "What ees weeth heem? You would theenk he 'ad nevah seen a coyote before."

**Well, was it funny? Read and review.**


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